• An Image Slideshow
  • An Image Slideshow
  • An Image Slideshow
  • An Image Slideshow

Last Year

Last Year

I stretched   

my soul from fingers to toes,
reaching for the edge of the vision,
and held its edges in my hand,
though colors dripped down my elbow
from the canvas still wet with inspiration.

I learned
that the promise of love can be solid, 
less need than want, less 
expectation than appreciation.

Accepting, my heart opened 
and my sense of self flowered

I found
strong hands holding mine when I needed them 
and applauding me when I didn’t. 
New friendships grew strong 
while links with beloved hearts
stayed steady despite distance

 I accept
the peaks and troughs
of what is coming
and give myself fully to the story unfolding,
grateful for the mystery unveiling
and that excitement triumphs over fear

Happy New Year!

The Feeling is the Prayer: To Love Again

The Feeling Is the Prayer

One of the ways that I have learned to create the feelings that I want to pray is to write an episode of the story I want to live. Here is a sample.

To Love Again

He lifts his hand to stroke my cheek with his thumb. His eyes are soft and gentle--eager, questioning. Glistening, too.

“At least we’ve found each other now. And we never have to be apart again.”

The quiver in his voice makes tingles on my skin as well as a fountain in my heart. I can’t talk. I sob quietly as waves of emotion wash over me with each frantic thought. Fear of trusting this love. Grief at the faulty thinking and mistaken beliefs that held hostage so many years. Fear of disappointing him somehow, so that he withdraws and takes back the glow and the eagerness he’s wrapped around me. He speaks again.

“We may be old farts, but maybe because of that we’ve learned how to do this.”

I wrap my arms around him and sob harder.


He lifts my chin to make me look in his eyes.

“You and me, Babe. Whatever happens, we’re in this together!”

The claws of fear pierce my belly. I remember the last time I heard those words. I remember a hand lying limp in mine, endless hospital corridors, the bone-deep, soul-deep weariness of loss and doing it all.

I shudder. He feels it and sighs. I look up. He takes my face in strong, tender hands. He touches his lips to mine. I feel the shock down the length of my body. My lips respond of their own accord, hungry. I feel him meet me with equal passion and hunger. When we finally break apart, we are both breathing hard and his eyes are wide and deep. In my mind I hear the thought before I hear the words I’ve just spoke.

“Yes, I’ll take care of you, if that’s what’s needed.”

He laughs and wraps his arms around me, holds me close. I squeeze him back, grateful for his determination, grateful for the reasonable assurance that this love will not end like the other, relaxed in acceptance that this time there will be more joy than pain.

Pick a vignette that you would like to live and write it. Make the prose as purple as you want as long as you feel it in your heart. Then every time you read it – or even remember it – you are praying. Remember to smile.

What We Do to Create the Feeling

Gregg Braden, whom I respect enormously, likes to share what a Tibetan monk told him about prayer. Gregg had asked him, “We see you praying. When you are doing the things we see you doing on the outside, what is going on inside?”

The monk laughed. “You can’t see our prayers. No one can. They are inside us. They are feelings.  What you see is what we do to create the feeling.”

This is what I do with my Mesa. This beautiful altar with a community of sacred items is a tool to work with my own consciousness. The power is inside me. When I hear instructions to move this stone there or to wash it with incense smoke, I know that the instruction is from either my higher self or an ally in another dimension. The activity combined with my intention makes things happen. Many people have reported what they experienced in response and I see it also in synchronicity. The daydreams I create in such detail that they wrap me in energetic bliss are one dream in a field of possibilities. I feel what it is like to be there. I let the images go and hold the feeling. The Universe creates the dream.

Whatever you do to hold the feeling must include the senses to be effective. How you think about things matters, so choose the story that works for you. If it is too hard to imagine this world we live in peaceful, harmonious, abundant, and connected, then go into meditation and jump to another dimension where the peaceful, harmonious, abundant, connected world is all there is. Or visualize Heaven as this beautiful world when it is peaceful, harmonious, abundant, and connected. Images, archetypes, candles, incense and sage, music - all are powerful tools to mold our consciousness profoundly if we participate. And all it takes is to consciously open ourselves to the feeling, which allows for the possibility.

An important and often overlooked way to stimulate the feeling that is prayer is to connect deeply with Nature. The capital on Nature implies awareness of the Divine energetic connection we all have with everything around us from sharing the same (and only) energy field. In Andean shamanism we learn to connect with energetic filaments to anything, even at a distance. It is not a “trying,” like willing the connection. It is more like relaxing and allowing our end of the energetic connection to release and reach out. When I do that, I often feel the “other’s” energetic connection immediately there at the edge of my heart field, having come most  of the way in eagerness. The “other” can be the moon, a mountain, a tree, a formation of stone people, a cloud, an animal or bird. The conversations are telepathic and loving. Once we dial into the Divine Matrix, we can feel an energetic pulse that rinses our energy bodies with tingling life force that enhances our own flow.

This kind of prayer becomes an awful lot of fun. One friend confided rather proudly that she used to imagine her Beloved making love to her. They have a beautifully balanced and deliciously sensual relationship.

It’s fun letting myself look around a daydream, noticing details, a form of detective work that sometimes yields surprises.  Set aside time to explore what stimulates the desired feelings for you. Then pray, Baby, pray - and keep track of what happens!

NEXT TIME: An example of imagining the story.

I Am Calypso

The evening before I flew out of Ecuador, I stretched out on the bed in my hotel room, resting for my break-of-dawn departure but not sleepy. Grateful for my air-conditioned hotel room and my belly full of camarones, rice and beans, I watched the final Pirates of the Caribbean flick, At World’s End, in Spanish. It was fun. Pretty (or interesting) people carried the story with faces and actions. One scene grabbed me and keeps popping into my head like an instant replay: Calypso, as she transforms from woman to goddess, pops the bindings that hold her, swells from human size to tower above the mast of the sailing ship. Her grin shouts, “I have my power back! Don’t mess with me now.” Everything in me cheered.

Whether Calypso was “good” or “bad” as portrayed in the story line is irrelevant here. This is a metaphor for the evolution we are all in. We have the energetic support to become whatever we came to be and it is happening faster than we imagined. If I feel a twinge of fear about something I am called to do, that picture pops into my mind. It’s dismissive, like the Universe is flinging away my fear with a snap of its fingers. Pshaw! Whatcha thinkin’, Girl?!

The trick is to feel yourself swelling, stretching, growing. Feel the release as the bindings that imprison you snap like rubber bands. Look down with Calypso’s eyes at the ridiculous drama below, smile, laugh out loud, and expand into a force for good. See how puny all those pompous players really are, how the ship is tiny, even fragile, compared to the ocean, to life. Translation: All those perceived obstacles and terrors need mean nothing. You are this big. Life is that ridiculous. Don’t be afraid of it. Accept it and work as powerfully as you know how.

 Watch the movie and look for that scene. That’s what you look like energetically when you stop playing small. Feel the raw power of yourself as an archetypal god/dess and attach to it the intention to be of service in the world by being your Self. Then watch what happens. 

Butterfly Times

These are Butterfly Times and that’s how I refer to my reports from the field. We’re all in the soup now – the nutritive soup, that is, the mysterious goop that happens inside a sealed cocoon after the fat, satisfied caterpillar wraps itself up for a snooze. Imagine (or remember) feeling smug in the dark, only to discover yourself dissolving, your shape changing, and familiar structures crashing. You feel different enough to know that something significant has happened. Then there’s that urge to push against whatever contains you and your surprise when you feel it give. You push again and feel air moving. Shapes and colors appear and your curiosity increases. You wriggle and crawl out of the shreds of cocoon into an enormous world of scent, color and movement. Welcome to earth, little butterfly. Wait until you see how it feels to fly!

  Yes, we are all in this same process of evolution right now, but it’s neither a linear nor predictable process for us. We are becoming something bigger and more beautiful, something essential to the pollination of new life. Many are exploring in dimensions we thought were dreams. Surprise!

I share my process with you in hopes you will see parallels in your own life and use them to draw strength and courage for your own process. Your process. The only process you own.

I am not your guru. I do not want to be anybody’s guru. I cannot be response-able for anybody’s process/life but my own. It is my delight, however, to share what I learn and the tools I find that make expanding into my full self easier and more fun.  Peer-to-peer, because I want you to share with me as well. Let’s collaborate on this journey we’re on and help each other keep our balance. 


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