I feel the darkness within. I don’t act
on it, but I feel it lurking. Waiting for its chance
to tempt me. It’s an impatience. A sense of disgust at the state
of things.” What’s the point?” it whispers.
” Aren’t you tired of all the effort it takes not to get sucked
into my vortex? You’re gonna die anyway.
Make the time until then less stressful. Easier. You know
You can trust me.” All those Others can’t be wrong,
can they?”
You know they lie but what can you do? In this reality, lies are accepted. Apathy reigns.
Thank goodness there is something inside me-
some aspect of my soul- that stands with hands
on hips, legs wide and solid, asserting, “Oh, hell, no!
We’ve been down this road before. It did not end
well. Not only that, but I’ve lasted Godhood. I can
bathe in Love whenever I want. Whenever I remember it.
Yes, that heaviness I feel with you is dangerously familiar, but the lightness & brightness of living this other way – that’s what I want. Where can that go? What can we build together? And I own that I’m thinking of people that earlier I didn’t even like.
What does that even mean? Some of them are the people I love the most, yet…
I don’t particularly like myself like this but I also know that this is an anomaly. And. Anomaly or not, it is a part of me.
It makes me want to retreat – to seclude myself. I do not want to be understanding or easygoing. What is happening that these reflections of myself irritate me so .? And what about me irritates the hell out of them? Do they really love me?
This is what cognitive dissonance looks like, your whole reality changing. What do you choose?
